Is it viable for a grown woman to maintain relationships she formed as a child or do we outgrow the friendships we formed when we were physically, emotionally and mentally different to we are now?
It’s not unusual to find that friendships are usually formed in different stages of your lives. School, work, hobbies all played a part in finding someone you could connect with on many levels. But what constitutes having a best friend and how does a best friendship end?
They say there are three types of friendships; friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for a lifetime. Many adult friendships these days are made through circumstances. Work, children, sporting groups and hobbies all generate new friendships but is it the ones that have the longevity the truest of friendships?
Some friendships may end…but new friendships may just be around the corner.
A few years ago, my best friend at the time had a ‘best friend break up’. We were friends since primary school and were godparents to each other’s children. People change over time and as much as you want to hold onto the memories of the fun you had as children, the magic may no longer be there.
We both found we required different commitment from each other. I didn’t feel she was making the commitment a best friend should make, and she felt she was always in trouble for not making the effort she should be making. My thoughts in the end were, if it’s too hard…it’s not meant to be. If someone wants to see you, they will make the effort to see you. You shouldn’t have to push a friendship to make time to see you…it should come naturally.
When we both cut the strings, it was a huge relief. A felt a huge weight off my shoulders. Not because I didn’t love my friend, but because the realisation came that if the friendship was proving too hard, I shouldn’t have to chase it. The friendship in the end was different to previous years. Maybe I had changed and moved on and my friend was still the person she was from years ago.
It’s been a few years now and in that time I have never had regrets. Circumstances changes, interests change, people change and I for one am a different person now to the person I was when we met. I don’t think we could ever pick up where we left off. I still have a bit of hurt that in a time in my life when everything seemed low, that my best friend was not there for me. Maybe she did change and her interests lay elsewhere.
Since then, some great people have come into my life through circumstance. There’s no pressure to catch up yet they call to organise a catch up. It’s comfortable and easy. We may not have the memories or history my “bestie” and I had but new memories and history can always be created.
Ways to deal with a best friend break-up;
- Identify if the relationship is of equal commitment and if one person is always putting in the effort to make contact, “she may be just not that into you”
- Nurture the other friends you have and spend more time with them
- Embrace new friendships that cross your path
- Accept that people change and don’t feel like you have to hold on to long term friendships if they don’t feel right.
- Remember the good times and move on. You will always have memories with old friendships but new ones can be created with new people in your life.
